Respecting Boundaries


16/10/2012 by Basia Rose

I’m sure this happens to a lot of you – especially those of you who blog or write about things like BDSM, but it has been annoying me a bit recently, so I thought I’d do some complaining on here.

I try to follow back most people who follow me on sites like Facebook and Twitter. However, there’re a lot of people who seem to think the second you hit that “follow” button, it’s the same as accepting an invitation for a date.

They follow me, I politely follow them back, and then next thing I know I have received a message from a man asking me to “BDSM him”. (Not sure how you “BDSM” someone!).

Here are some things I wish these people would take into consideration before flooding my inbox with weird messages (including the person who tried to sell me electronic appliances on Facebook this morning – not sexual, but very weird!).

#1 – Have you ever seen me post anything online about my relationship status? Anywhere? No? That’s because Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, my blog – they’re not dating sites. You have no idea if I’m looking for anyone or not (and let me go on record here saying I’m not!). I deliberately keep a lot of personal details vague. Why would you be coming onto someone you don’t know in any way?!

#2 – Just because I talk about BDSM and erotic romance writing doesn’t mean I’m a free-for-all slut who is happy to entertain any man who stumbles across me online. I have real-life people here in Australia, who I have real relationships with. I’m surprisingly normal. I sit here in a normal house, in a skirt and a t-shirt, as I type this. I’m not some leather-clad Dominatrix fantasy some men who have contacted me seem to believe.

#3 – Which leads to the fact I’m in Australia! Nowhere near most people I interact with online.

#4 – This blog – this site, my online profiles? They’re professional profiles. You won’t find me friending family members on the same pages. While I love interacting with authors and other kinky folks online, getting aggressive because I haven’t devoted my entire evening to chatting with you on Messenger is insane! I have real life to deal with sometimes too.

Anyway, I’m well aware how grumpy I sound. But I wish people would understand that someone who writes about romance and kink is not automatically a free-for-all for horny men the world over!

8 thoughts on “Respecting Boundaries

  1. Amen to that! I have a similar problem.

  2. Ana says:

    But…but…Basia, I SO wanted a date and to BDSM you. Are you telling me no? 😉

    Seriously, one solution I’ve found is to say okay then, you are my slave. I now command you never to talk to me or contact me again.

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